Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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