When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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