One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
