Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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