My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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