I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
