he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
