Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
