Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
