he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
