my sisters under your porch take her home
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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