Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
