Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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