remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
