What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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