I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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