Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
