I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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