I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
