Please, let me fuck your mom
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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