Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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