I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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