Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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