false alarm. still invincible.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
