I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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