She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
