Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
