you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
