Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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