Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
