Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
