ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The air was thick with penises
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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