wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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