Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
