Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
