from now on my penis is your penis
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
