He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
COCAINE IS GR8
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
