YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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