I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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