I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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