Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
