Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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