I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
