census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sarcasm needs its own font
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
