I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
