Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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