lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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