you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
