After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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