Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nicole vs. Life
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
