dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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