i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
