hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
