who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
