I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize