her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
