my phone needs a breathalizer
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
