why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
