She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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