if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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