Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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