I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
