Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
