I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
