He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she looked like the before picture.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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