Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
