Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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