It's Friday. Sex?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I touched a dick in church today
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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