u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
