i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
