pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
mondays should just be called national damage control day
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
