Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize