I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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