I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
