took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
