I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
