I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
