Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
