I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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