ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
