I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
