Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize