im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
