I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
