Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
