i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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