Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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