They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
