What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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