Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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