Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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