I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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