He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
